How Is It Only Wednesday?

This week has been going by pretty slowly. I'm not saying I'm having a bad week but jeez, just been a long week already. This week has actually been good. I've been working out doing things daily and keeping good track of it all. The stairs at work have seen me every day this week so far....5 flights doesn't seem like a whole lot but it's quite a haul up them at my size. BUT, I get up them. I need to do them every day and it will become easier.

I've been walking every day at either lunch or after work at Gold's. The exercise bike has also seen my butt alot here lately. I've been getting up out of bed in the morning and climbing on there for 30 minutes while watching 'Mike & Mike In The Morning'. I've also been riding the bike at night after dinner some nights and I feel pretty good after it. I'm feeling really re-charged right now and things are moving very smoothly.

I'm taking things day by day right now and working extra hard to not get ahead of myself and look ahead and be disappointed by the "Now" when it's not matching up to my "Dream Future" or whatever you'd want to call it. Something like that seems like it really should be extremely easy to do but for me is difficult. I want what I want and I want it now. I keep reminding myself that Rome wasn't built in a day, the Taj Mahal took awhile, I didn't put all this weight on in one day, it isn't going to all come off in one day. The more I'm able to buy into that and realize that it is the whole truth, the smoother things will continue to progress.

Monday Morning Weigh-In #36

Well, I'm back on track baby! I dragged my weary butt out of bed this morning and stepped on the scale feeling pretty good. I stepped off of it feeling pretty great. I lost 6.8 pounds this week to bring me to a total weight loss of 105.8. A good combo of diet/nutrition, walking and riding my exercise bike has added up to this. Feels good to pass the 100-pound mark again. I'm going to work my butt off to keep it there too instead of falling back like last time. I'm here to stay above that mark this time and feeling really wonderful.

My Day With Lauren

Today I got to spend time with one of the cutest 4+ year olds I know. Yep, that's right, Lauren came over today. I had a Fantasy Baseball Draft this morning and then her mom dropped her off. She was going to busy spraying primer on drywall all day so they needed someone to watch Lauren. She and I had a good time. During the day, we watched Toy Story 2 and 3, went to a park to play, she played with Barbies, we ate some grapes and then went to McDs for her to play in the PlayLand. It was a very good day and we both had fun.

I'll have to see what tomorrow morning's weigh-in holds. I've done really well this week and have felt extremely good. I think it'll really show tomorrow but I'm going to be continuing all the goodness into next week.

Rooting For Some Bulldogs

Well, Duke lost on Thursday night and I'm finally over it. Actually I was over it on Friday since Arizona so thoroughly kicked their butts. Anyways, I am now throwing my support behind Butler. I basically hate all the other teams left and hated Florida too who Butler beat today. I would have been rooting for the Bulldogs last year if it had not been Duke they were playing.

Rode the bike tonight and totally picked up the pace. I did 13.07 miles in 45 minutes which is around a 3:27/mile. That's not too bad for me. I've had a really good week so I'm hoping that my weigh-in on Monday goes well. I'm back on a good track but not taking anything for granted. Just feeling really good and wore some smaller size jeans today which was nice. I am pretty tired tonight so I'm hoping I sleep well.

Sweet Sixteen Tonight

It's been a nice week so far. I've been walking downtown and at Golds, I've been riding my exercise bike and feeling good. Tonight, Duke plays Arizona in the Sweet Sixteen. I've very excited for it and ready to watch. It also means it's been almost a year since Jason and I went to the Final Four in Indy. No matter what, I'm going to take a new picture next weekend of just me and post that one that compared to a pic last year at the FF. I screwed up and didn't really take any pics of myself when I started this so these and Disney photos which are from March last year as well are the closest photos I have to last July. Judging from the Disney/FF photos though, I'm not sure I'd want to see any photos from when I started since I was probably about 20 pounds heavier at that point.

Anyways, I had a nice breakfast this morning. I had 2 hardboiled eggs(yolks removed), a banana and some oatmeal. I've been making the oatmeal from the Quaker Oats cardboard tube, not the instant package kind for awhile. Most mornings I have it, I just add some raisins and some sugar-free syrup. This morning I added probably half a tablespoon of peanut butter, some sliced almonds and just a little bit of agave syrup. It was extremely tasty. I bought a couple small packages of some different types of nuts to add to the oatmeal to make it a little tastier and just add some different flavors into it. I highly recommend it if you're looking for something to stick to your ribs on a cold morning.

Warmer Weather

For about the last 5 or 6 days, we've had much warmer temperatures here. Usually around the 60s to 70s all day long and tomorrow they'll be leaving us for some 40 degree days again. It kinda sucks. I've been enjoying having the windows open most of the evening and not having to use a coat. I know Spring is technically here but it would be nice if it would stick around. I like walking around downtown at lunch and having the sunroof open on the car. Well, I guess it gives us all something to look forward to in a few weeks when the temps will really turn around and we can be in Spring for good. I'm really looking forward to that.

A Few Moments....A Few Truths

The past couple of weeks have been difficult for me. I thought I could really handle eating a little bit more for a few days to put on a couple of pounds for the beginning of this "Biggest Winners" contest at Horace Mann. Boy, I was wrong! I had been behaving myself soooooo well for such a long time that cracking the door a little bit turned out to be an extremely dangerous thing.

For one week, I ate a little bit more than normal but still kept things pretty much under control. I felt bad from eating that extra food but I could live with it. That's a lie....it made me feel horrible. I would come home and lay down and do really nothing. My stomach was always kinda messed up, I couldn't sleep very well although I was always tired. BUT...I JUST KEPT DOING IT!!

Then I found out the weigh-in for this contest was at the end of last week, not the beginning and I came on here and basically said, "I'm not doing anything bad anymore, things are A-OK!" Too bad my fingers typed that but my brain didn't react that way. That night I stopped at Little Caesar's and got a pizza and some Italian Cheese Bread...and ate all of it that night. Tuesday night I got some McDonald's, Wednesday night I got Taco Bell. Thursday night I just picked up some miscellaneous stuff from the grocery store. Also, on Tuesday for lunch we had pizza provided by Horace Mann. This also doesn't do justice to all the miscellaneous extra things I was eating at home at night.

Soooooooo, in one week, I had pizza multiple times, fast food multiple times and some other assorted junk. I did find out a couple of things about my reactions to all of this junk food....
1) McDonald's is NOWHERE near as good as I remember...the fries just were bad to me;
2) Pizza can still a problem; and
3) Taco Bell was still delicious but my gastrointestinal processes suffer greatly.

One part of my brain kept telling me that doing all of this was wrong and I KNEW it was wrong to be eating it. The problem was that for those two weeks, I just didn't care. It made me feel horrible and depressed and like a loser and just alone. I didn't come on here because I didn't have much to say and I was ashamed of what I was doing.

There I was on Friday morning weighing in for this contest and when I saw that I had gained back about another 6 pounds from all of this junk...I just wanted to cry. Yep, I wanted to cry because here I was, not treating myself well, not loving myself enough to do the right thing, not being strong enough to say 'NO' to myself no matter how bad I felt. It's the lowest point I've been at since before I started this journey.

Whenever I've lost weight before, this was about the time that I would quit. I would quit on the plan, quit on all the goodness, quit on myself. I don't know why that switch flips and it's something I need to deal with and will probably be dealing with the rest of my life but that switch started to go....was about halfway to off and more 60%-40% in the wrong direction.

But standing there on the scale and getting off and eating breakfast on Friday morning, I realized I couldn't quit. I couldn't let go this time. I've come too far, done too much and just wanted it too much to just let it slip away. Not this time. There are bumps in any road worth taking and this was a big one for me. But that's all it was/is, whatever.....an f'in bump. I like how I'm looking, I like how I feel, I like being happier and having a smile on my face. I like not feeling like a failure, I like not crawling into a shell and hiding myself from the world. I like holding my head up high and being proud of the person I am and what I've done. I love myself and respect myself enough to carry on and keep an eye on the future while still keeping an eye on my past and watching out for pitfalls that have befallen me in the past.

I've quit on myself before....I'm not going to do it again. History does not have to repeat itself. I'm stronger and more reselient than I have been before and this will help me into the future. This is MY life and I'm finally really ready for it to be better. These are MY moments, these are MY truths.

Monday Morning Weigh-In #35

Okay, so I haven't had a lot of posts over the last two weeks. The best way to put it is that your author lost his ever-lovin' mind!!! I'll talk more about it tonight but even though I "decided" not to eat more in preparation for this 'Biggest Winners' contest at work...that's EXACTLY what I did. Over the past two weeks, with last week being worse than the week before, I indulged in many things. It's taught me a few things though and I'm thankful for that and in some ways happy this kinda happened. There will be some more posts from now on, I think I have some stuff to talk about.

Anyways, just by eating better over the weekend and keeping active with running errands and things, I wound up down 1 pound for the week to put my total weight loss back at 99.0 pounds. I know I've backslid a little bit but, ya know, that's going to happen from time to time to anyone. I wasn't happy about some stuff that I did but I think I'm better off for it and all I can do now is go onward and upward.

Monday Morning Weigh-In #34

Okay, I gained a couple more pounds but that's all about to stop. I gained 3 pounds to put me back at 98 lost total. I'm ready for this competition and am ready to do the best I can. I don't know if it was the best idea in the world to do this this way but it was the path I chose. I will be overcoming it and I'm going to do great things through this competition. It's 2 1/2 months long and I swear in those 10 weeks, I'm losing at least 35 pounds. Mark it down!

Putting on a Few...Let's Not Overreact

Last week I put on a few pounds and this week I'm going to wind up a few pounds up as well. Last week was just kinda bad while this week it's a little bit of ploy for a contest. I've joined a 'Biggest Winners' team at work...yes, they use Winners instead of Losers for the contest. We weigh in on the 15th and I'll be kicking some butt after that again. I spent a couple of days this week with some back trouble from helping my brother move on Sunday. My lower back just tightened up and I wasn't moving around very well which kept me down. I'm not blaming anything or anyone but myself and I feel like I know what I'm doing at this point.

Soooo, on Monday, lets not overreact to whatever numbers come up. I'm actually hoping to put on a little bit just for the sake of the contest and then lose it all right away again. I'm gonna be kicking some butt again here soon. I'm putting together a workout plan for myself and Gold's is gonna be seeing alot of me. It's also starting to warm up a little and I want to get the bike out and see how it goes there. I'm still excited for things and looking forward to some good months ahead.

Also, good memories...it was a year ago today that Jeremy, Kim and I took off for DisneyWorld. What a wonderful time and a wonderful trip. I wish I could do it now at this weight but we had a lot of fun and I thank them for letting me go along. I don't really think I'm going to have a "travel" vacation this year but that's alright. Maybe do something next year and be even more fit for it.

Monday Morning Weigh-In #33

Well, back to reality and a little bit of extra weight. Had a rough eating week and didn't work out like I wanted to. It seemed like I was up the whole week after Monday so some of that weight loss was a bit of an illusion. I gained 4.6 pounds back this week to put my total weight loss still at 101.0 pounds. I've still lost over a hundred although I am a little disappointed by what happened. It's all easily correctable and I know I'll be back on the right track with this week.

I did take today off from work but tomorrow it's back to work and gym. I need a new picture for the profile on here but I was in a pic last week from when a group of us went to Red Lobster. It was Goutham's last week and we took him out. He's the 3rd in from the right in the back row. Good luck in San Francisco Goutham! I hope everyone is okay with me posting it on here.

So, am I looking any better?

Busy Weekend

I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I have not posted much this week. Well, I haven't actually posted at all. It was just a very weird week with weather, an All Employee meeting at work, a going-away lunch and a nice lunch with my boss and our Texas Regional Vice President. And that was just during the week!

This weekend, I did quite a few things for me. On Friday night we had our monthly poker game. I didn't do well in the first game but got 2nd in the second game and came home with an extra $20. On Saturday night, I went to dinner with Kari, Jeremy, Kim, Gayle and Teresa at Olive Garden and then we went to a trivia night at Southeast High School and guess what we did?? We won of course! That's how me and my team roll!!!

Then came Sunday. I normally don't do much and/or travel alot on Sundays. Well, today I went to Peoria and helped my brother and his fiancee move into a new house. It really wasn't that bad...or at least not as bad as the last time I helped him move and suffered through the Storage Locker From Hell. We had lots of help from Amie's brothers and her folks and it went very quick. Their new house is very nice as well and will hopefully serve them very well.

Now......I'm tired and sore!!!! I really want to sleep well tonight. I'm taking the day off of work tomorrow so that will be good. I'm not optimistic about the weigh-in tomorrow as I wound up eating out quite a few times this week and didn't work out very hard. We'll just have to see how it goes.