I'm not sure why it's happening right now but I've been struggling the last couple of days. I still haven't "cracked" or anything and eaten horribly but I've really been tempted to and it's just been some rough sledding. I knew this would happen at some point but I felt so great at the beginning of the week that it's taken me completely by surprise that this going on right now.
I was actually on Papajohns.com tonight and thought about ordering a Large Thin Crust pizza with ham, pineapple and mushrooms with light sauce and light cheese. I didn't do it though. I just couldn't do that to myself but in some ways I really, really wanted to. Giving in would've been so easy. I know that while I was eating too much pizza I would've just hated myself but kept eating. I KNOW this is how I would've felt because it's happened before. I didn't do it though so that is a little victory.
I haven't been sleeping the best. Well, once I get to sleep I'm okay but falling asleep has been a bit of a pain in the ass. I thought I was past that since for a few weeks I was really sleeping great and falling asleep easily. This came after a short time of falling asleep trouble when I first cut the calories down.
Right now, I just feel like I'm fighting against myself and my "normal" nature and it's extremely difficult. I know if I can get past this though I'll be a stronger person for it and will also have more faith in myself and what I'm capable of. But, it is a real true test of faith and some intestinal fortitude to fight through this. I know I can't lose this fight and I'm not going to lose this fight. I'm worth it dammit....I'm worth the fight.