Thursday, September 9, 2010

Just Struggling Right Now

I'm not sure why it's happening right now but I've been struggling the last couple of days. I still haven't "cracked" or anything and eaten horribly but I've really been tempted to and it's just been some rough sledding. I knew this would happen at some point but I felt so great at the beginning of the week that it's taken me completely by surprise that this going on right now.

I was actually on Papajohns.com tonight and thought about ordering a Large Thin Crust pizza with ham, pineapple and mushrooms with light sauce and light cheese. I didn't do it though. I just couldn't do that to myself but in some ways I really, really wanted to. Giving in would've been so easy. I know that while I was eating too much pizza I would've just hated myself but kept eating. I KNOW this is how I would've felt because it's happened before. I didn't do it though so that is a little victory.

I haven't been sleeping the best. Well, once I get to sleep I'm okay but falling asleep has been a bit of a pain in the ass. I thought I was past that since for a few weeks I was really sleeping great and falling asleep easily. This came after a short time of falling asleep trouble when I first cut the calories down.

Right now, I just feel like I'm fighting against myself and my "normal" nature and it's extremely difficult. I know if I can get past this though I'll be a stronger person for it and will also have more faith in myself and what I'm capable of. But, it is a real true test of faith and some intestinal fortitude to fight through this. I know I can't lose this fight and I'm not going to lose this fight. I'm worth it dammit....I'm worth the fight.

3 comments:

JenMarie said...

Yep, keep fighting... You are doing AMAZING!!

melton7216 said...

Just stay strong. You are doing great!!!!

Jason said...

Good for you for not giving in to those little temptations that gain momentum way too easily. Keep it up. Anybody can do this when the trials and temptations aren't there. You really earn it by persevering through the rough spots. Earn it! You haven't made it this far by accident.